* As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks (This was the winning quote from Charles Hurst at Sun Microsystems)

* We're aware that communication is a problem in Research and Development, and we're working on it. Oh, didn't I tell you that?

* What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter

* How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?

* E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data It should be used only for company business

* Turnover is good for the company, as it proves that we are doing a good job in training people

* This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it

* Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule

*No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them

* My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it The disk I gave her was write-protected

* Quote from a recent interview: "You are a top flight candidate and I see that you have a lot of education However, you understand, that intelligence is not really required for this job"

* Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what 'I' say"

* My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday, which meant I would miss work on the busiest day of the year My boss asked if we could change her burial to Friday He said, "That would be better for me"

* "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees"

* A group of us got together concerning the lack of merit increases this year (even though management got theirs) We made up a bumper sticker and stuck it on the Boss's new Lexus It reads, "How's my managing? Call 1-800-NO-CLUE!"

* We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above"

* One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"

* I worked for a Boss who sent a memo to his assistant to investigate the possibility of canceling the fire insurance and buying a used firetruck for the employees to man