7474 N. Alma, Portland Oregon 97203
(503) 867-5309
dogman@europa.com
Objective
Find a job where the people I work with aren't all against me. Also, I'd
like to find a job where the boss doesn't pick on me. I'm thinking of
someday being my own boss. I want to make a lot of money. I need some
creative space so I can make things. I want to have the extra time to
enjoy the things I'm interested in, like partying and seeing some bands.
I'm a people watcher, and I'm thinking about learning to play guitar. I
just read a book that describes how men can have multiple orgasms without
ejaculation. I'd like some time to practice this.
Employment
Astro Gas , interection of Greely and Portland Blvd.
Employed: December 2 to December 22 1995
Responsibilities: I pumped gas, checked oil, and sold
cigarettes to motorists and the high school students that waited for the bus there.
Reason for leaving: The boss and everyone had it out for me.
The bastards I worked with told my boss that I was stealing money from the
till, then they framed me for it. The boss was picking on me for being
late a few times, and got pretty uptight about me showing up with booze on
my breath. (It was a good damned thing that I'd drank that whiskey right
before I got to work; otherwise he would have smelled the weed on my
breath too. Hey, I wasn't kidding when I said I liked to party, man.) He
got mad because I sold cigarettes to minors. I think that law is bull
shit. He doesn't know what he's talking about. He's an idiot. He
wouldn't let me have time off for Christmas
so I can visit my brother. No one treats me that way. He'll get whats
coming
to him. I'm telling you; that bastard is going to pay.
Parr Lumber, Martin Luther King Blvd, Portland.
Employed: November 6 to November 22 1995.
Responsibilities: Take the broken pallets and make them into
good, usable ones. Got the door for the contractors. Swept the parking
lot and yard to keep it free of dangerous debris, like wet cardboard,
sawdust, and wood chips.
Reason for leaving: The boss would ride me about smoking and
talking to people walking by. I was doing Parr a customer service deed
by establishing good relations with the public. If you call them they
will tell you I made a lewd comment to a customer. That ho is fulla shit.
She
flirted with me. She started it. My boss was a dork from Vancouver.
His daughter was foxy and he would get uptight when I'd talk to her. He
was infringing
upon my constitutional rights be telling me I couldn't smoke in the
warehouse because of "fire codes." Thats a bunch of crap. Everyone
knows that a cigarette couldn't burn down a whole warehouse. It was just
too big. He was an insensitive ass for not letting me have Thanksgiving
off to visit my brother. He also claims that he caught me jerking off in
the warehouse. I wasn't jerking off. I got a sliver down there and was
trying to get it out.
Burger King, Barbur Blvd, Portland.
Employed: October 20 to November 1 1995
Responsibilities: Cook and janitorial work. I took the 40
pound frozen hamburger patty box out of the freezer, broke them apart
with a screwdriver and a 5 pound ball peen hammer and put them in the
cooker conveyor belt. Took the cooked patties and buns (there are two
sizes, whopper and regular,) and put them into the appropriate sized bun. Put
the assembled burgers into the steamer. It was also my responsibility to
clean the tiles on the floor underneath the tables where the cleaners
couldn't reach with their machines.
Reason for leaving: I came into work the day after Halloween
and a couple pigs were there and they told me I wasn't allowed to go in.
The manager came out and gave me my last check and told me I was fired.
I asked him what it was all about and he said I came in on Halloween and
started screaming and throwing things around and shoved a lady up against
the salad bar. That's a lie. I was drinking
with Ciccione in N.E. Portland. I was riding my brother's Huffy (because
my car was impounded for a bull shit DWI charge I was framed on.) I don't
think there is any way I could have got from N.E. Portland to S.W.
Portland on that bike in one night, especially since I was so drunk. He
hated me anyhow. I got
more dignity than that. So I punched the son of a bitch and the pigs
arrested me. That bald headed do gooder punk deserved it. He had to have
been lying. He said I was
on a blackout. That's a lie. I don't remember ever having a blackout.
He got mad at me for spitting on the paddies with with my buddy Rob. He
said that that was discusting and that he was really dissapointed. What a
geek. He didn't even see the humor in a harmless game of "burger
roulette."
Concannon Lumber, N.E. Sandy Blvd. Portland
Employed: ,January 4 to February 21 1995
Responsibilities: Stand next to a conveyor belt and pull just
cut lumber off the conveyor and stack it on a cart and then strap it with
banding so the forklift drivers could put the units on a truck. Bundle
pieces of pine with a piece of equipment called a "sub-bundler," although
it took me maybe two weeks to figure out what it was REALLY called because
my unoffical "sponcor" was this freaking monkey named "Big Ass" (a
name I gave to him because
that's the only thing I understood when he talked; the rest of his speech
being drowned out by the spit bubbles.) I really thought the thing we did
when the two of us were bundling the pine boards was called "sumbumblinb."
Boy do I feel like a fool. I was his "buddy." I couldn't shake him. He
blew his nose on his shirt.
Reason for leaving: It was winter, cold as hell, I was living
in this house that the bedroom window was broken out of, and my bathroom
was frozen. I'm telling you, its hard for a white man to get a good job
when all those minorities are out there taking them all up. Bastards.
Anyway, the warehouse had its doors open so the forklift drivers
could drive in and out so the wind blew straight through. It was
probably a -30 degree wind chill factor. My boss had the extra forklift
backed up to us so its exhaust would blow on us. Like it was supposed to
keep us warm. I got frostbite because I was wearing steel toed boots, so
I quit. I realized that my quitting might have put them out of business,
and for that I feel bad. But you know, a man has just got to have his
dignity. I'm a great white warrior, and I deserve better. My PO can kiss
my ass for getting me this job.
Badgely, N. Portland
Employed: December 2 to December 20 1994
Responsibilities: Cut aluminum slabs into 1 inch pieces,
drilled holes into them, and cut off the burrs. Helped assemble golf bags.
Piled pallets into neat stacks.
Reason for leaving: My boss, Alan, was a tyrant. He said that
I was being "careless with safety" because I was caught jumping off the
third tier of the racks in the warehouse into foam rolls I piled on the
floor. He also got mad because I was skateboarding in the warehouse on
this ramp I had made out of spare wood. It wasn't a big ramp, and they
weren't doing anything with the wood. As far as the jumping off the
racks, it wasn't dangerous. The foam broke my fall. Besides, it made
everyone laugh. Alan was a geek. He drove a Volkswagen. People who
drive VW's are stupid. He got pissed one time when he found me and Jay
and Bret getting high in the warehouse. I made a cool fort in the racks
on the second tier that three of us could fit into, even though it was
really only made for two. See, I made it for this broad that was working
in the other side of the plant. Never panned out, though. I told her
about it and she left and never came back. Huh.
Anyhow, Me and Jay and
Bret climbed up there and we were smoking the last of my eighth (from
this cool pipe I made out of a can complete with a carb) when all
of a sudden half my fort was picked up and taken away by the warehouse
forklift
driver! I was trippin! Jay was leaning on it and fell and landed on his
head. I was so stoned that I just started laughing. Man, that was funny.
Education
Astoria High School
I chose to leave school because I didn't like the way I was treated.
I got in trouble for skipping school and drinking. People made fun of me
because I played Dungeons and Dragons. That's a thinking man's game.
They were stupid and didn't know what was going on. These chicks got me
in trouble with the cops because they saw me running around with no
clothes on. Well, it wasn't me, dammit.
I went to a one week training course for selling Chopco Knives.
Learned how to sell worthless crappy knives to suckers. They even had
scissors for cutting pennies in half. Who needs that crap? I learned
lots and met a hot chick. I stared at her all week. She refused to
have a drink with me. I even offered to take her to the Ship in
Multnomah, and she said I was a scumbag. She must have been a lesbian.
That's cool, I was just playin. I didn't like her anyway. I just wanted
her to feel special.
Skills
I am very handy with a hammer, but I think my calling is in sales or
customer relations. I'm a people person. I spent a week with my step
dad in Arizona and he taught me how to weld. I've become very interested
lately in pyrotechnics. Maybe a job starting fires would be cool. Hey,
I'm flexible. I just need a goddammed job. If I don't get a job soon,
I'll be forced to take up that offer that recruiter from the ARMY gave me.